Category Archives: Uncategorized

So… I’m in week two of visiting on my own. You may recall I was absolutely terrified at the prospect of having so much responsibility. True enough though, it does get a lot easier after a while. The office are also being nice to me and giving me relatively easy clients. I’ve not met aContinue reading “Why do I care? Part two…”

I’m sat in the waiting room while my MOT is being done. I know it’s going to fail as I have an airbag light on. That’s not what worries me. It’s the rest. I need this car to be a cheap fix or I’m screwed. Last thing I need to do is have to dipContinue reading ““Unless I’m very much mistaken… I AM very much mistaken!””

For the first time in a while, I actually woke up feeling depressed. Literally the first thing I thought of was ‘Fuck this life, I don’t want it.’ I just keep curling up and trying to go back to sleep. Just for a few seconds… Please… It doesn’t hurt when I sleep. Every time IContinue reading ““Simmering”.”

Yesterday I was shadowing another nurse but locally this time. I get in the car to go, and… Nothing. Not even a click. The battery was fine and that can only mean the starter motor or starter solenoid or it’s connections had failed. I bump started it and cracked on. Joy… So that’s number one.Continue reading “Anything else?!… Yet again…”

Well, it’s been quite a while since I was sat in Costa blogging. I’ve just finished more shadowing visits for my new care job. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but every visit has been completely different. Of course, why wouldn’t they be? I’m feeling a little stressed about it though. Mainly since my firstContinue reading “You can lead a horse to water but…”

I’ve had the strangest few days. I had my first shadowing visit yesterday. I won’t lie, I was terrified! I meet with the nurse I’m shadowing with and he leads me in, explaining his process. I walk in and I see a man, with his pants around his ankles, arms folded on the table withContinue reading “Interesting times…”

It’s 8 months ago today that My Lady passed away. 8 months… I’m looking at the garden while I have my first smoke of the day. It’s changed so much in those 8 months. The third season since. Wow. Before I know it, it will be a year. I had a look at the photosContinue reading “How long?!…”

Friday, I received my enhanced DBS certificate. Having completed no less than two child protection courses in a week, I am now legally allowed to work with children. Having gained a TA position at the local performing arts academy, my first day was yesterday morning. Interesting… I have not seen the inside of My Lady’sContinue reading “Phase 669.5. Complete…”

My night on the sofa was not great. I settled myself early with the laptop to watch a few old “Monday night Skippy’s” races. Tea: Check. Biscuits: Check. Depression: Check. Anxiety: Check. In fact I would be checking all day at this rate. Halfway through my first race, I’m starting to nod off and myContinue reading “The gift that keeps on giving…”

I’m sat in the cardiac ward waiting to be taken through for my angiogram. Just being anywhere near this bloody hospital is horrible. At least I’m nowhere near ICU. Of course every part of the hospital looks more or less the same but it’s in a different building. Naked apart from my gown, my legsContinue reading “Fun times…”

As I had gone to bed quite early last night I was up early too. Initially I thought to myself ‘Nice, I feel like I’ve had a lie in and it’s only half eight.’ In less that half an hour, I can feel the despair creeping in. As I’ve been so deep in the trainingContinue reading ““Remember the old Sunday routine?”. Again…”

I’m currently sat in the Covid testing marquee at the hospital where my Lady passed away. I turn up over half an hour early like a muppet so I have to sit here thinking about the countless times I walked past here and in through the main entrance, past the chapel, up the stairs, acrossContinue reading “Hospital blues…”

At the risk of being repetitive, how the hell can this year get any weirder? I had my interview for the domiciliary health worker job yesterday. They couldn’t get enough of me! Mental. I told them about my last year and how it had changed me. “Aww that’s lovely, you sound perfect!” I have aContinue reading ““Flogging a dead horse.”…”

25th September 2020. I have been job hunting so much lately. Finally, in the last few days, I have been getting calls about various caring positions. I even have a phone interview this morning for a domiciliary support worker but the interviewer had to rush off to help with an emergency. Maybe a sign ofContinue reading “And so it begins anew…”

23rd September 2020. Well it’s been a while since my last blog. I can only assume that’s a good thing. Looking back, the worse I feel the more I blog. There’s no denying getting my thoughts down has given me a lot of insight into my journey. Who knew? They were right. My headspace hasContinue reading “What the bun?…”

15th September 2020. This morning I wake from the most horrific nightmare. I lost all three of my family to Covid. My Princeling has woken up with a sore throat and a cough. Please let be something else. It’s the season for it to some extent but I’m so hyper aware if not paranoid aboutContinue reading “Not funny Cosmos… Not funny at all…”

So I’m sat in my nice and tidy garden. Stripy lawn, weeded and watered beds, my three Princeling’s are fed and watered and ready for college, well one of them obviously… Sitting listening the The Queen of Everything again having flashbacks to the countless times I’ve sat here pondering recent events. Part of me wantsContinue reading ““Remember the old Sunday routine?”…”

The last couple of days have been awful. The migraine got worse and worse. I managed to fend it off for a while with as many pain killers as are safe. Woke up in the middle of the night sick as a dog. All night. In my left eye I was seeing weird neon laddersContinue reading “The Fizzies…”

So I’m out and about today. Dropped my Princeling off in town and had a mooch. I hadn’t even thought about Lush but when I walked past and the smell hit me, I just couldn’t carry on walking. As before I got My Lady’s favourites. My car smells divine. My day started well. I wasContinue reading “Red five standing by…”

The trapped nerve that I had yesterday is still there. Given that my potential heart problems are still being investigated I called the doctor… Yet again. Joy. I’m going to the surgery later. While I was out walking Mr C, my chest got so tight it scared me a little. I was quite breathless withContinue reading “Broken Heart Syndrome Part 2……”