Headcase…

You may remember me mentioning previously that I’ve been watching Machine Heads acoustic happy hour on Friday nights on Facebook live. Rob Flynn, the singer and founder started the shows when the pandemic first took hold and the world went into lockdown. It’s just him and sometimes the bassist, J fiddling around on acoustics playing a load of covers and obviously some of theirs. Interspersed with “Beers up!” and shout outs to all the people in the chat. I really relate to a lot of philosophical views he shares. It’s a really personal vibe. I joined the “Subs Club” after the first show I saw. One of the shows fell on my birthday and after all day feeling traumatised and grief stricken, I sat in bed with my laptop, cherry coke, and brown MnM’s, and watched the show. Rob gave me a shout out for my birthday and even played a song for me. Legend.

Last Friday, Rob did a subs club Facebook live show. Amazingly, there were only thirty-odd people in the room. Great, it was a much more personal event, we we all got to chat with Rob. Such a good laugh. He cheers me up so much, I look forward to the show all week. Gods help me, I’m becoming a “Fan!!!”… At forty six… Mental…

I’d listened to quite a few of their obvious, well known tracks for a few years now but never dived into their back catalogue until now. Love pretty much every song. I use the “Fan!!!” in inverted commas as it’s not something I’m known for. It’s the same with Steve Vai, and for the same reason. He also did lockdown live shows from his studio, discussing technique, and even got into the psychology of being a musician. Quite a lot of personal thoughts too. Again, I feel like I kind of know him a little. God how cheesy does that sound? Like some bloody teeny fan, obsessed with their hero. Hilarious. Obsessing is something I’m very good at now.

So in last Friday’s Machine head show, Rob said that someone had sent him a gift via their merch store. Machine Head are unusual in that they own and run the merch store themselves. He said if anyone wants to send a letter or anything, send it to their merch store address and they will get to read it. ‘Why not?’ I thought. So I emailed them to ask for their address. I intend to send a letter of gratitude for making my Friday nights for weeks. Don’t care what people think.

I’ve been learning some of their songs recently. I’m lucky enough to have several guitars which means I don’t have to mess around tuning up and down every time I want to change it. You have no idea how much of a pain in the arse it is to keep tuning up and down. It kills the strings quicker too. As the for the Jackson, well, I’m not drop tuning that yet. A double locking tremolo is notoriously annoying to set up. I’m no Luthier either.

I’ve been hibernating today. Still simmering, I’ve not spoken to anyone. Seems everyone is feeling insular today. It happens. None of us take offence anymore. All of us have suffered with our metal health at some point, and for a multitude of reasons. Friends (family) in adversity… Love every one of them.

Work tomorrow…

After last weeks melt down, I’ve had a chat with the office about changing it up with reduced hours for now. Neither they, nor I want me to go pop, and they are used to people struggling at first. I might not be crying my eyes out today, but I’ve done nothing but think about My Lady all day. I’m just so depressed. Still, all I want to do is sit in the garden in the summer and play guitar while having barbecue’s with my Princeling. We ‘loved’ it. Barbeque every day pretty much. A few cans of John Smiths, copious amounts of cigarettes and music playing on the garden system. Being locked up like that suited me but in the end left me with chronic anxiety about leaving the house, never mind going to work. If I ever win a large amount of money that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Just fuck off somewhere hot and that’s me done. Happy day’s. Only they won’t be. When you are grieving, people say “it gets easier”. Believe it or not, I’ve even had someone say “You might find love again.” I actually threw a strop over that. How dare anyone even think of me “moving on”? After all the confusing mental reactions to the loneliness and realising how vulnerable I was, I made a conscious decision to avoid ANY situation that could get awkward. Just no. My father found someone in only a year or so, but there’s no way I will. The thought of “Loving” anyone else still turns my stomach.

I’m tired now. I’ve been sat in bed with this laptop for an hour or two writing this drivel. So much for an early night. Seems I have a lot to say today. I’ve had my Lush bath and I smell divine. Time to take my nut nut pills and go to sleep… if I can… Told you my blogs were random…