Author Archives: Dukemoriarty

This morning’s been a bummer. More of the same. I think I have a trapped nerve in my chest too. It hurts to fully inflate my lungs. It happens every so often and is not concerning at all. Just painful. Shopping came. I had ordered a vanilla refill bottle for the air freshener in ourContinue reading “Substitution…”

So Precious has gone home. As predicted, it was very emotional for me. I had hoped I would be able to deal with it and keep it together. As soon as she couldn’t see me… Yep, I started crying. It’s always so hard to deal with the crying when I’ve had a break from it.Continue reading “A welcome break from trauma…”

First day of college yesterday. Precious has been here all weekend and we both saw him off in the morning. I took her to Costa and we sat chatting for ages. I haven’t cried once since she has been here. Compared to the last time we were together, all three of us seem to beContinue reading “Phase 600.1 complete…”

3rd September 2020. Out walking Mr C and it’s starting to rain. Oh yeah, that’ll be the big dark cloud over my head. I’m happy to get wet. The woods triggered me. So much for getting out of the house to clear my head. I feel worse. Finish this later, my phone is getting wet…Continue reading “Let it rain…”

3rd September 2020. Tomorrow we will receive my Princeling’s college timetable. Next week one piece of the puzzle of our new life will be complete. New routines etc. Part of me wishes so much I didn’t have to look for a job. Creating a new life for us would have been so much easier withContinue reading “Fings…”

3rd September 2020. Not sure how I feel today. For some reason I was compelled to hunt through old photos this morning. Always a masochistic process these days. I was pleased to find the background image I had on my MySpace profile when I met My Lady. The Green Man. How I even still haveContinue reading “Pagan fings…”

1st September 2020 I can’t believe is September already! I’m up at half eight today. It’s nice to be up early and not feel like crap. Actually it’s nice being up early at all as it’s been quite while. Today I went to the local care home for a chat and to apply to beContinue reading “Phase 599.5. Complete…”

Didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up freezing cold. I don’t remember ever having that problem before. Even so, it felt like I had been in bed too long. I look at the time and it’s only half 8. ‘OK fine, I’ll get up then.’ Today I’ll be phoning more care homes. IContinue reading “‘Thank you baby.’”

This last week has been rough. Since the anniversary of mum’s passing, I’ve have some major triggers a few days running. Bored now… It’s been quite a while since the last, but as I mentioned previously, I’ve been waiting for a big one to slay me. Even so it always comes as a shock. ThatContinue reading “I still hate trains…”

27th August 2020. Woke up in a strange mood today. Not depressed or up. Dropped my Princeling into town earlier. I stopped by Costa and it was full. Ugh. Not sure what I’m going to do today. Probably going to drop into see Work Husband for a bit. Today is flying by! Can’t believe it’sContinue reading “Hubris or not? That is the question…”

Sat having a smoke in the garden at dusk. It’s been a long day. The garden is a mess again. A metaphor for my mind at the moment. The Dianthus need dead heading, the roses need spraying with fungicide, the Ground Elder needs more weed killer, the grass needs hoovering, the beds needs weeding andContinue reading ““Gird your loins…””

21st June 2008. After having a civil marriage ceremony last Halloween, it’s time to do it how we always wanted to. My Lady and I are getting Hand-Fasted today. Everyone is mucking in, draping ribbons all over the trees where the ceremony will take place. We’re so grateful for being given official permission to holdContinue reading “Midsummer’s day. So mote it be…”

26th August 2020. Today we enrolled my Princeling into college. Another life event… Also happens to be the anniversary of my Mother in law’s death… A whole year… Already. It’s hit me harder than I thought it would. I can still hear her say “Bless their hearts.” In ‘that’ way she always did. I missContinue reading “Phase 569.0… Complete…”

25th August 2020. 9:35pm. I’ve gone to bed early. I have a big mug of tea, Minstrels, MnM’s, White Sage and Nag Champa incense burning and listening to one of my Princelings playlists. Some say if someone shares their music with you, sometimes it’s a window into their soul. I believe this to be true.Continue reading “As Predicted…”

This whole on and off, up and down nature of grief never gets any easier to process. I am used to having crappy days for a bit, then I have really crappy days. It’s been going on so long. It won’t ever stop either. I understand that now. The only thing that changes is howContinue reading “Bad days, worse days… There are no ‘Good’ Days…”

24th August 2020 Sat in the car park waiting for the doctor to come out and lead me in. I’ve either been here or been on the phone to the surgery so much in the last few months. They know me well by now. I’ve spent more time in touch with the GP this yearContinue reading “Sorry, I can’t hear you…”

23rd August 2020 I woke up at a decent time this morning. Don’t know why as I was up pretty late. Don’t feel too bad either so far. I’ll take that. I’m having a friend round for a BBQ today. He is one of only two other musicians in the place I was working at.Continue reading “At the doctors… Yet again…”

Went to the Next Steps meeting at the cafe again this week. I met the gent who I had been talking to on the weekly Cruse Zoom drop in meetings. Good to finally meet him. I also had a good chat with the lady who runs the group and met her colleague who will beContinue reading “So what now?… Again…”

Last weekend I had a earache. It went away in a day but has left me with the weirdest symptoms. Apart from the constant ringing, my left ear is hearing everything a millisecond or two later than my right. Not only that but the left side has a slightly different pitch. It sounds just likeContinue reading “Diplacusis…”