Crashing round you.

Well, what a roller coaster of a few weeks it’s been. A couple of weeks ago I had a nasty crash on my bike on the way to work. A lucky escape to be honest. It could have been so much worse. Despite that, I found myself in A&E a couple of days later. My rib was hurting quite bad so I dialled 111 and they said I should get it checked out. The only place I could go was the hospital my lady died in. 30 minute wait for an X-ray then a six hour wait to be seen for less than five minutes to tell me I’m ok.

Of course it was wise to get checked out but damn, being there for nearly seven hours was not fun. I didn’t leave the place until just after midnight and I had work the next day. It was almost impossible to sleep for more than an hour at a time initially due to the pain. Everything has stopped hurting now other than my shoulder and rib. It’s frustrating as most of the time I just want to sit in bed chilling even if it’s not so I can go to sleep. Being in bed hurts more than anywhere else though.

It would be nice for nothing shit to happen for a while. My soul sister in Portugal had to put her cat down a couple of days ago. I spent a couple of hours with her on zoom last night to be there for her. I totally understand as it was the first anniversary of Mr T being put down nearly a fortnight ago. She feels the same as me on one level. I won’t be getting any more fur babies for a long time, if at all. Once Mr C goes, that’s it. He is old now, bless him.

I find myself in Costa once more, bashing out yet more of this drivel. it’s two days before payday too. I only have any money at all as I sold my subwoofer a few days ago. Yet again, going home isn’t appealing. It’s become a theme. When I feel like this I like to chill with a coffee bashing out this drivel so I can waste enough time that when I get home I can just go to bed sooner.

I’ve come to realise recently that despite my telling myself I’ve done ok surviving with my Princeling, nothing could be further from the truth. A lot of stuff has come out over the last few weeks regarding my parenting. Suffice to say, I have fallen short to put it mildly. Regardless of all my ranting about the stress and anxiety of dealing with everything, and I stand by MOST of what I have said here but I am not popular at the moment. We all get to the point in life where we look back at our upbringing as adults and have questions or grievances. I dare say most parents have the conversation with their adult children at some point. A reckoning as it were. I know I did. Well, it’s my turn now. There are a lot of things I’ve done or not done that I am not proud of. It doesn’t matter how much I wish I could, I can’t change that or give time back to those I’ve been absent from. It’s something I just have to live with. No good being sulky or down about it. I’ve been good at that on occasion. It achieves nothing and is purely self indulgent.

My Princeling says he is moving out in a few months. So I guess that ball is rolling now. So be it. The next chapter is on the horizon. One thing I know for sure is that once he moves out, I’ll be leaving this house as soon as I can. I’ll have to spend money and time making it acceptable enough to exchange with someone but with only myself and Mr C to worry about it shouldn’t take too long.

It will be strange, living on my own and I will miss my Princeling but I also look forward to making a new home for just myself. I should have a car by the end of the year so I can consider homes further afield than just this town. To be honest I think I’d prefer to get out of here anyway. Other than my dear friend, there’s no one and nothing to stay here for and with a car I can see her whenever I want to.

She has landed herself a good full time job now and it’s well paid too. Ironically, it’s for one of our customers. I’m happy for her. We’ve been talking a lot over the last couple of weeks. It’s been lovely. We are having coffee again this week and plan to have lunch together some time soon. It’s become clear we both miss each other. I wonder where it will lead? She said that the company she got the job with are expanding and to keep an eye out on their website. By the sound of it, it would be a significant pay rise and for a less technical role too. Wouldn’t it be weird if we ended up colleagues again? If that happens, I have to say, I’d be reevaluating my views on fate and all this cosmos shizzle. If the cosmos keeps pushing us together, who am I to resist?

As ever, what will be will be. For once I am hopeful of a happy outcome. I feel I deserve some happiness at last.

So mote it be.