Tuesday. My Sunday. I’m sat on the sofa again, feet up, back at this drivel again. I had my booster yesterday. I bumped into a couple of colleagues from the fire station while I was there which was nice. My arm hurts a lot more than the last two times. I’m feeling pretty rough. I want to hibernate. Lock myself away from the world and give my mind and soul some rest. Alas, as ever, I can’t. Finances hit rock bottom this month. I’m so tired of the constant change. To the point where I even considered, for a second, staying at the warehouse as there’s no way I’d get laid off. They are still desperate to get the day shift in order.
As per their request, I emailed the recruiters for the military contract. Nothing. Not even a get stuffed, you were shit. Rude… So, next move… Only I didn’t have one. Weirdly, it was at this time I received a call from the agency dealing with the Ding vaccination centre to check I’m still available and up for it. No way. After all this time? I had totally given up on it some time ago. After a second call to discuss hours and so on, I have my first batch of shifts. I’m sifting through them to figure out how many hours I’m getting, as it seems they weren’t listening too well when I told them I wasn’t available Saturday mornings.
Friday now. Within the first hour, Mr Grumpy Fuck pissed me off twice in a row. I refuse to stay pissed off over some pathetic excuse use for a human being, so I went for a cigarette. “Sue me.” I said to him. My filter is failing me badly recently. I’m running out of fucks to give too. I’m not paid enough to put up with his petty shit. Or anyone else’s for that matter. I don’t ask much. Just the basic respect any decent human being would give to any person, stranger or not. It seems I’m a bit unusual like that. My attitude is to be respectful and nice to all unless given a reason to be otherwise.
I finally heard back from last week’s interview. They loved me but have changed their plans to take anyone on but would definitely want me if that changed. Bloody waste of my time and fuel going in the first place then. I have another interview on Monday. 5 minutes from home, Monday to Friday, temp to perm and one street away from my old tech support job. Perfect. Fingers crossed for that one.
Lunch time. I decided to get tonight’s beer with my lunch today. No happy hour tonight so our zoom meeting will be earlier. Still working tomorrow but hopefully it will be one of the last times I do.
Last break and Mr Grumpy Fuck is making an effort again. Fair. I found out he is in a lot of pain with his feet. Pain will make one grumpy for sure but don’t take it out on me. I’m not taking anyones shit ever again. Hard to be sympathetic if he won’t get it looked at.
So, nearly finished today. I put my anger into my work this afternoon. It definitely helped. It’s a proper workout. I can feel my shoulders growing. I’m many times stronger now. When this job ends I’ll need to work out at home. I’ll just end up even more depressed otherwise. Talking of which I started taking vitamin D again this week. I hate winter now. Lots.
I have so much going on at the moment. My life could turn in any direction and almost certainly will.
Sunday: My first shift at the Ding vaccination centre. Twelve hours. It’s been a while since I’ve been standing around all day. At the warehouse, I’m working out all day. I was originally supposed to be working on the admin team, but they were short on entrance marshal’s so I’ve been there all day. Bumped into three friends from the fire station and they gave me a tour of the place and went through the processes in place. After a while I got back into the swing of things. It’s mad how quick you get out of practise interacting with the public. I was nervous at first all over again, just like when I started at the fire station. Near the end of my shift, Work Husband, who has recently moved in with his hubby’s parents down the road, met me after work and we went for a quick drink. It was so good to see them both.
Tuesday: The interview yesterday didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Feeling quite nervous, I had a shaky hand throughout. I had to use tools I hadn’t used before and others I hadn’t used in years. It wasn’t difficult, but I had to get two cables assembled in half an hour. Regardless if the time scale, my attempt wasn’t very accurate. Annoyingly, if I could have done it the way I always do at home it would have been perfect. Instead of using a big clunky wire stripper, I’d use the scalpel with a steel rule. But no, obviously it has to be done their way and fair enough. It’s difficult as the place is only five minutes from my home, but the pay is really poor. I am getting shifts at the vaccination centre now AND I still have my warehouse job. Ideally, I could go semi part time at the warehouse and fill the rest of the week with the vaccination centre work.
My mind is swimming, trying to figure out what the best move would be. As my Princeling mentioned, it’s a good problem to have but the anxiety I get from trying to figure out what to do is as crippling as ever. Bloody annoying is what it is! It drives me nuts. It always has. Pontificating is a well known trait in the male side of my family but I think I’ve taken it to a new level, unfortunately.
Had my Irish friend over last night. First time for quite a while. Sometimes, months can go by without a single person visiting. By the same token, it’s been months since I went to anyone else’s home. I wonder how long that vibe will continue. Why would it change if I do nothing about it though? Simple, it won’t. Still, after so long after the pandemic started, most of us have got used to not even thinking about socialising. I certainly have. It’s compounded by the fact that I recently accepted that I have no one to help me, no one to fall back on. I truly am alone. Without my Princeling, I don’t know if I’d go completely nuts, monty python hermit style. I talk to colleagues and text my close ones but that’s not the same.
Sat on the sofa with Mr C snuggled up to me while I bash out further drivel. Yesterday I had a four hour nap after the interview. I’m feeling a little sleepy now too. When will this constant exhaustion end? Bored now.
I’d love to be able to shake this downer off. My time at the vaccination centre over the last year kept me relatively sane and happy, looking back. I still haven’t contacted my GP. I haven’t heard back about my back scan after it was discovered that I have reduced density in my spine. Probably should chase that up. Could be something for which I have to change my lifestyle to accommodate, quite aside from being totally failed by the metal health team, both at the surgery and ITalk.
Time for another hoodie nap…
The Life and Times of Lord Crookedhorn. 