To sleep, or not to sleep?

So… Friday has come again at last. I’m still working weekends and it’s really taken the edge of my happy Friday vibe. It’s the only real socialising I ever do. Just one decent evening/night a week. Not much to ask for is it? Well financially, it would seem it is. It sucks. Fingers crossed I can get the military job. Monday to Friday, overtime at weekends IF I want it. I’ve not had a full weekend off for months I think.

Tonight is the halloween special happy hour. Halloween can get stuffed, again. It would have been our 14th anniversary. To be honest I just want to drown my sorrows and pretend it’s just another day. The porch light will be off so no one comes trick or treating. I don’t care, I don’t want it. It’ll be the second anniversary without My Lady.

I might don the pink robe and clam shades but that’ll be it. The show sometimes finishes as late as 1am my time and that’s before we even zoom. So you see my problem… I truly resent it but, as ever, the bills need paying and working weekends is the only way that can happen at the moment.

Saturday now. I slept through everything last night. I’ve been so tired. I had a hoodie nap around half eight and my Princeling woke me up at 12:45am. I watch the very last song of the show then went to bed without even talking to my subsfam or even going on Zoom.

I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I’m really hoping one of these jobs happens. The vaccine centre job looks like a no go, certainly for full time hours. Not had a single shift come through. Might be time to let that whole vibe go, for now at least. It’s starting to feel like I’m flogging a dead horse there.

Mr Grumpy Fuck hasn’t been in all week. Work has almost been pleasant without him here. I get on with pretty much everyone else. I’ve even had a genuine laugh on occasion. Still as today has progressed, I’ve felt more and more down. I don’t know why particularly today. I’m not even that gutted about missing last night, which is very strange for me. I really can’t be arsed with the rest of the day. Once I’ve cooked dinner later I might just go to bed again.

So once I cooked dinner I didn’t go to bed. I decided to play guitar for a while. The Jackson was tuned to Eb so lots of slayer, and quite a few more chilled songs. It definitely helped. I feel better than I did in the last hour or two at work. Now I have gone to bed. Of course having a full guitar workout isn’t going to help me sleep but what else is new? At least I don’t feel as depressed.

Well, I’m going to try and sleep, maybe to some Yoga music.

Night friends. X