Sweaty Betty…

It’s Sunday. A ‘proper’ Sunday. This is the first whole weekend I have had off in months. I’m sat in my garden with my last beer as the sun dips below my neighbours house. I’ve hoovered the lawn and weeded the crescent moon bed. I’m playing that yoga meditation music again. Ugh, I’m getting flashbacks to last summer. I’m starting to think I always will in this setting. The flashbacks aren’t too traumatic this time but I feel so damn lonely. It’s been over eighteen months now and it feels like an eternity. Waves of denial still wash over me every now and then. I just need a hug. The hug I can never have…

Today, I’ve not only done some garden bits, but I waded through the housework I hadn’t done for the last few days. Quite aside from the usual annoyance at not being able to break the cycle, I need distraction today. I’ve done a mountain of washing, washing up, dusting, polishing etc etc. I’m running out of steam now. One more load of washing and then I’ll stop.

We had another Zoom meeting last night. (Saturday) Just a handful of us chilling and shooting the breeze. Friday, I had purchased a very cheap bottle of whiskey for the Happy Hour. Obviously I had plenty left, so I decided to have a few drinks and make merry. As there were so few of us, we all opened up a little more than usual. I love these impromptu Zoom’s, it’s usually the same handful of suspects that are there. I eventually went to bed, very drunk, at around half five in the morning.

Now I’ve been sitting in the garden for a while, I’m starting to feel really tired. Time to sort the last load of washing. I’ll never get around to it otherwise and I hate the smell of damp clothes. Been there, done that.

I might pick this up later…

So it’s now Monday, and I’ve been sweating all day in 30c+ degrees. Normally I don’t have an issue with the heat, but today I’m struggling. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m wearing jeans. We are all mostly taking about the party being held the day after we close. A lot of us are getting quite excited at the prospect of not having to be professional any more.

I’ve tried my nice shoes on last night and they fit very nicely. Just as well as I’ve had them for over a year and not worn them once. That was a full on grief spend I made last summer.

It looks like I must have gone on about my beautiful blue suit to lots of people. They are also talking about it among themselves too. People keep saying that they have heard about my suit. Knowing my luck, it will be way too hot to wear the jacket. Well, I’m taking it anyway regardless of the hot forecast. I don’t know why, but I want to impress when I turn up at the party. ‘Tis weird, as I can’t think of anyone I want to impress. Even if I did impress someone/anyone, what would be the point? This is, of course, all ego massaging, but I’m ok with that. I’m sick and tired of feeling useless/worthless/ugly. After the reactions I’ve been getting since I dyed my hair, I quite like the idea of impressing with my appearance. That’s new. More hubris no doubt.

It will be interesting to see who I end up keeping as friends from the team. it’ll also be interesting to see if anyone wants to keep me. I’m guessing a lot of boundaries will be lowered at some point in the proceedings, so who knows. Let the frivolities commence.