Fings.

Well, it seems I always start my blog post’s when I’m on the car park position. It seems to be the only time at work that I can truly relax and reflect. I think I need to go out more. Just spent some time in the woods with Mr C. It would be good for both of us.

Mr C and I went for a trundle this morning. I sent a couple of pairs of clams to Mr & Mr’s Dungeon master while I was out. I meant to send them weeks ago.

I scanned through the list of blog posts from this time last year just now. I’m in almost exactly the same situation re job hunting. Almost to the day. I’m constantly sending emails and making calls now. I’m running out of time… Again.

Friday has come again at last. My sleeping pattern is shifting the wrong way. I was watching a bit of Time Team on YouTube in bed last night and before I knew it, it was nearly 4am!

The background anxiety is back again. I have an ocean waves meditation track on repeat again too. There’s all sorts going on right now. I’m worried about Ms Catharsis. She lives in a town in California that has a wildfire evacuation order in place. Her car is packed and they are ready to leave. Her ex has already evacuated. She can see the fire in the mountains from her drive. It’s intense and I’m keeping an eye on the fire update page. Fingers crossed she doesn’t have to bail, but it’s not looking good.

Yesterday, I decided to dispose of the detritus from the tree my Princeling destroyed. Even breaking it all up was a little upsetting. A beer and a couple of very strong JD and cokes sorted that out. Once the fire was going well, I sat staring at the flames in a trance, chain smoking myself silly. By the end I was pretty drunk. Just to top it all off, I dropped my tobacco in the fire. Oh ffs… That’s another twenty quid wasted. Along with myself.

At that point I was so done with life. So much for the emotional catharsis I was hoping for. When I first started the fire, it felt good, soul food as it were.

I got through it all quite quickly but still ended up having to put it out with buckets of water. It’s wasn’t even late when I finished. Thoroughly pissed off by then, I put myself to bed and watched some more Time Team. Much as I like the show, it’s also a comfort that goes back some time. My step-mother used to love the show, and when she passed away, my Dad and I regularly watched it at bedtime. I had no idea he did it too until I stayed at his place for a few days after her passing.

Called the agency dealing with the Ding vaccination centre this morning. Left a message and I’m expecting a call back at some point. Fingers crossed.

Sat in Costa now, bashing out more of this drivel again while I wait for my appointment at the hair salon. I’m really getting into looking after myself finally. Precious’ art exhibition was the first time I’ve dressed smart since my first day at that disgusting Covid infested factory. When I saw the photos afterwards, I was surprised to see that I looked alright. Shirt fits better, as do the trousers. I’ll be wearing the beautiful blue embroidered suit My Lady gave me to the work party. I wonder how well it will fit me now? Having had another look at the photos from my dear friends and adopted siblings wedding, I actually forgot how good it looked. Even the well to do people at their wedding kept saying how amazing the suit was. High praise indeed.

Oh well, ten minutes til my appointment. Quick cigarette then beforehand.

Laters friends x