Toxicity…

When My Lady and I met, we had both been through hell in our previous relationships. It was one of the many levels we connected on. We had both had enough of the bullshit from toxic people in general.

One of the subsclub in Europe and one in California had got into a relationship together over the course of the last year. At first they wanted to keep it a secret. Can’t say I blame them. The guy in Europe (No need to name them) had gone through a hellish split some time ago and much like a lot of the group, is emotionally vulnerable. Long story short, all of a sudden he started DM’ing people complaining that his girlfriend wasn’t getting enough attention in the happy hour streams on twitch. “You’re not even liking her posts” was one. Say what now? Are you kidding me?

While all this was going on, his girlfriend had been systematically trying to remove all female influences from his life. Once it all came out, it was obvious to a lot of us that it had quickly become an abusive relationship. Controlling, insanely jealous and attacking anyone who challenged her behaviour. Some of us are old hats at this shit, as I mentioned before. It turns out that several members were dragged into the situation behind the scenes. Once it all came out and everyone knew what had been going on, we all tried to discuss it with them but they threw abuse into the group chat and when she didn’t manage to manipulate anyone to her side, she left the group with one last parting shot. He also left at the same time.

You may wonder why I’m blogging about this. Quite aside from it being the first big blow up in the group in all the time we’ve known each other, but the timing of it…

I had been thinking a lot about whether to/how to reply to the message Ms poison sent me the other week recently. The vibe in the group served to remind me to keep my guard up. Ok, it’s been 15 years with only a handful of interactions, and we all know people can change a lot in 15 years and it’s more than possible that she isn’t the nightmare she used to be and could have learned some good lessons along the way, but there’s a good reason I haven’t had her in my life. When I replied, she came back with a polite, respectful, even grateful message… Surreal.

We exchange a few messages and even then, she kept expressing thanks and gratitude for my replying at all and for being reasonable. Probably the only thing we have agreed on in the last fifteen years, is that we were both pleasantly surprised and a little relieved that the conversation was so chilled out. It took me weeks to figure out what I wanted to say, if anything at all.

It’s probably a good thing to be reminded of past lessons without making the same mistakes again. You could call it a training update I suppose. The timing though…

So now it’s bank holiday Monday and I’m on a 13 hour shift today. Sunday pay rate too. I actually got to bed before ten pm last night. I was going to watch the highlights of the Belgian Grand Prix but it was rained off. Shame, as any race at Spa in the rain is spectacular. Still, it meant I could sleep earlier.

For some reason, I feel emotionally stronger today. I’ve no idea why as I have less than two weeks to find a job. It’s still not looking great. I guess the message from Ms Poison threw me a little more than I realised. I guess I’ll finish this here. No point waffling for the sake of it… Oh wait…