So, Friday has come again at last. Nice tidy pay check, beers already in and I’m ready to go. As there’s no show tonight, we should be on Zoom a lot earlier. For my last hour at work, I’m sat on the car park corner chilling with some quiet drum and bass while writing this drivel. Yes, it’s quiet around this side. Always is.
I know I mentioned it in my last post, but I’m really starting to notice how much mental load has been freed up since the inquest. I’m still surprised by how much. Of course, it makes perfect sense that I’d feel a weight lifted from my shoulders but as each day goes by, I notice it more and more. Finally my mind seems to be letting go of the trauma I experienced having to read through the worst two weeks of my life again and again and again… I wonder if I will ever feel the need to read through it again? I can’t imagine any reason other than to review it one day. Why would I want to do that though? I have no idea. I think I’ll collate it all, print it all out and stash it with the other depressing paperwork. The kids might want to go through it one day. Again, I have no idea why, but if I can make it easier even a little bit by making sure they don’t have to go hunting for jigsaw pieces just to understand it, then it will be worth the effort. Much like making sure all my affairs are written down in one place in the event of my death. Picking through everything, trying to make sense of it is horrific enough as it is without having to dig for the info. It’s all there. The “Folder of Doom” as My Lady used to say. Seems pretty appropriate…
It always surprises me how much I can write when I’m on this position. It’s not like I’m skiving off either. When I’m here my mind is free to ponder Life the Universe, et al. I’m starting to get the feeling that another catharsis may be on the way. I’m in no hurry. After all, I’m still getting used to the changes that happened to me throughout February and since. One thing at a time though. One thing I am sure of is that it’s no good growing if you have no clue how you grew. Understand and consolidate before the next phase. If, of course, that is even possible. In my experience, growth is not something you choose to do. If anything, it’s about as out of ones control as it can get.
I stayed up til around half two last night. My shift started at midday today but I didn’t want to push my luck. I’m seriously bored with feeling so tired all the time. I need to look after myself more. Mentally I mean. Now I have some of the mental load freed up, I need to be as frosty as possible going forward. At least until I secure a new job. Once I do, I’ll need a different type of frostiness while I learn about the new position.
It’s Saturday afternoon and it’s my turn on the car park again. Almost immediately, a lovely lady randomly came up to me and offered me an ice cream. That’s one thing that always gives me a warm feeling inside. So many people are so so grateful for the work we are doing. We have had countless donations of everything from cake, to chocolates to curry’s and noodles from the local street kitchen.
One thing about having done this work all year is how interesting the people I meet and work with are. The volunteers are mostly retired and most of them have had very interesting lives. Many have been very successful in life. One of my colleagues is a good example. We got talking about motorsport and it turns out he was close friends with Charlie Whiting and has spent a lot of his life in Formula One. For those who are not F1 fans, Charlie Whiting used to RUN Formula 1. Last year the guy was going to buy a new Ferrari and decided against it as it was entirely impractical. Can’t say I’d consider taking a Ferrari camping or something myself! For me at least, the only point in owning a Ferrari is to take it to shows, tracks days and just sitting there looking sexy as hell, same as all super cars. He decided against the Ferrari and bought a GT3 Porsche 911. How the other half live eh? He has offered to take me out in it sometime. That will be a blast.
I’ve been invited to dinner tonight by my Italian friend and his partner. It will be so nice to spend some time socialising properly. Although I have gone for coffee with them before, that was when we had to stay outside. It will be nice to do some “proper” socialising, correct etiquette and all. I miss that. My Lady and I used to delight in going to dinner parties. Dressed up, perfect manners etc etc.
I’ll be going there directly from work, I guess it will be a late night. For some strange reason, it feels like Friday again. Maybe because there was no show last night but I spent several hours on Zoom regardless. I might see if anyone’s up for it again tonight. I suspect not though, as apparently the guys had a particularly long session last night. I didn’t even get drunk last night. I’m kind of on the fence with that one. Part of me wishes I had just carried on drinking and partying. I could have got away with it probably. Trouble is, my PC chair isn’t comfortable for long periods. I end up aching all over. The one time I moved to the sofa with the laptop, I fell asleep in minutes. And of course, they just HAD to take a screenshot of me snoring my head off.
I only have a couple of hours left of work. It’s great being able to bash out crap tons of this drivel and still do my job effectively. I’ll have written over 70 thousand words when I publish this post. Shame I can’t write stuff that is publishable. I’ve written more in the last 18months than I have in the last decade.
I was asked today if I intended to publish this drivel at any point. Can’t imagine why I would. Other than a bit of hubris maybe. Who knows?
Well I’m dried up for now. I would say that I’ll add to this later but I know I won’t.
Laters friends. X
The Life and Times of Lord Crookedhorn. 