Some much needed frivolity…

So Friday has come again at last. After the shit show of this week, I so need to let my hair down. Talking of which, I noticed this morning that I have needed to dye my roots for some time. My appearance has not been top of my list recently as you can imagine. Pretty much everything took a back seat this week.

If there’s one thing I could do with right now is distraction. My headcase friend’s are the perfect recipe for this. I think I might even actually get drunk tonight. I need to have some fun. Fun has been in very short supply recently. I have started playing guitar again though. There’s a random drum and bass track I’ve been listening to recently that is begging to have a metal riff over it. I was that sure of it, not only did I know what tuning the song was in, but knew how to play it before I even picked the guitar up. At least that’s one skill I haven’t lost. I’ve always been able to work songs out by ear. Mainly because I’ve spent most of my musical life playing along with my favourite songs. For the most part, it’s what I’ve always done. I’ve never been that good at composing.

I’m stood on the car park corner again. Now I have no one to talk to, I can feel that simmering starting to push through. I’m so close to crying right now. I can still hold it back but I’m real close. Hopefully I’ll go back to the entrance so I’ll be distracted. I am very good at wearing the “I’m fine” mask now…. Mostly.

I have less than an hour to go until my shift ends. I’ll be doing a beer run on the way home, then taking my Princeling out for some grub. It’ll be nice to spent some time out with him just because.

Once we’re done, I’ll be dyeing my hair again. After so many months, it’s weird seeing my natural hair colour coming through. I wonder if I should not dye my beard this time and let it grow out with purple just at the ends a la Dimebag Darrel. Why not?

I’m planning on having a banger tonight. I bailed quite early last week. 3am might seem stupidly late but it’s not unusual for many of us in Europe to stay up til six am and beyond. Who knows how late I’ll be up tonight? One things for sure, I don’t plan on being quiet tonight. I’m definitely in the mood for shredding on my guitar tonight. If I leave it any longer, I’ll start going backwards. Having come so far in the last eighteen months, it would be criminal to let it all go to pot. I noodle around for half hour or so then put it down. We had the usual giggle but I was spent by three am again.

So it seems to be taking me a few days to write a blog again. Seems silly to publish every slightest thought whenever I get them.

So now it’s Saturday afternoon. I’m at work until eight thirty pm tonight and tomorrow off. I might be meeting Mrs Mumbled musings for coffee this week. A close friend and colleague of My Lady, she has the biggest heart and empathy in truckloads. So much so that she couldn’t read some of these posts, bless her.

I’m so glad I still have these connections to some of My Lady’s friends. I was laying on the sofa for half hour before I left for work, and my mind was cast back to when My Lady and I would go to the Ham shops, literally thousands of times. The things we used to buy, sitting in the hairdressers watching My Lady having her hair done. Basically the life we led before Covid and our own personal nightmares. I still struggle with the idea that not only is My Lady gone, but the world she knew died with her in a way. It happened at the same time and indeed, we were told by the coroner that it was not impossible that it could have been Covid that got her into hospital in the first place. That world is gone forever. That’s not even being dramatic. Society can never go back to how it was back then. If we did, then the nightmare we have all experienced over the last eighteen months and all the sacrifices made by so many, would all be for nothing.

I need to arrange coffee with Mrs White Sage too. I haven’t seen her in a long time. I also missed the end of term drinks at the Performing arts academy I worked at. All these social things and I’ve done none of them. There are also more than one vaccination party after we close too. I guess I need to start socialising more now there are no restrictions. I’m so used to not even thinking about it now. I’m such a crap friend like that. One thing that I need to sort out.

I’m back on the car park corner again. It’s warm and sunny. That would normally cheer me up a bit but not today. I’m still simmering, just not as intense again. My entire headspace is regressing back to the end of last summer. Much the same as then, I’m running out of time to find a job in time for this one ending.

Late finish today. Think I’ll grab a kebab on the way home. There’s no way I’m cooking…