So what now?

I’m sat in my car on my break. I’m still in a weird headspace. On top of everything, I received a message from Ms Poison on my new account. I’d forgotten to block her. I’ve spoken to her maybe two or three times in the last decade so it completely took me unawares. I haven’t replied as yet. I want to think carefully about my response. I could do without having to deal with it to be honest. The last thing I want right now is interaction with her on any level. I’ve been quite happy without her in my life for more than a decade now. It’ll be ‘interesting‘ to see how that plays out.

Despite having all day yesterday to get the housework done, I could only manage twenty minutes or so at a time before I gave up and went back to my desktop. Most of the laundry is done but I couldn’t be arsed to hover and dust etc. I felt so depressed all day. I still am to some extent. I guess this is a glimpse of how my life will be like when my Princeling has flown the nest. He has mentioned several times over the last six months that he is sick of Roundabout city and wants to leave this “dump”. Can’t say I blame him either.

I seem to be on the other side of that fence at the moment. After all the fantasising about moving to somewhere hot, beaches and sunsets, I now feel like I don’t want to leave this house. I’m surrounded constantly with reminders of My Lady. The more time passes, the less I want to change the house around. Several times yesterday, I thought of going through some of My Lady’s things, only to recoil in horror at the thought. How long can I going to leave her shoes in the shoe rack for instance? Our wardrobe is still untouched, as are all of the rest of My Lady’s things. How long am I going to leave it all alone? There is no hurry or deadline. Indeed, there is no requirement to do it at all, ever, but at some point it will have to be done. I guess…

Part of me has metaphorically hit the brakes on my “growth”. There’s no hurry on that level either. I’d rather process and consolidate each level up as they happen. I feel the need to understand these changes if I’m to maximise their benefits.

I tried to think ahead to the next few years last night. Totally impossible. I can’t even see past the the next few months given how unpredictable life has been. The next few months or so are so unpredictable… How new. This is one reason I was so happy in my tech support role. Salary, permanent and secure. Or so I thought at the time. The place was only five minutes away too. It was ideal.

So… What now? Damned if I know.