Things are getting “Interesting” again…..

So today is my granddaughters first birthday. Weird. Yet another event that hammers home how long it has been since I lost My Lady.

I stopped by my old workplace this afternoon to see my dear friend and adopted brother. Unfortunately, Mr Angry came out with him. Dickhead. I still despise him. Fetid creature that he is. I really should let that go as it’s only me suffering over it. By all accounts, it’s sounds like the place is going down the pan. Well, you reap what you sow and given that the CEO is dialling back his involvement in the company, and that bitter old goat, #2 will be taking the reigns, it will only get worse. People are leaving like rats from a sinking ship. It’s a shame they let things go the way they did. It was a great place to work at one point.

It was great to catch up, I’ve missed my adopted brother lots. I even bumped into that bitter old goat #2. I really don’t like him either. Nasty piece of work that guy is. I recently found out that they were considering taking on in tech support again. When my name was mentioned, #2 said he wouldn’t have me back. It seems to be a thing for him. I’ve heard him say that about a few people and it wouldn’t seem to be for any other reason than they had already got rid of them once.

I’m sat in Costa once again. I feel a little lost at the mo. There are important things to get on with but I just want to work through this vibe. It’s a strange thing, you know. Now that there has been some time since My Lady’s passing, I actually want to wallow today, despite what I said about this recently. This time last year, I was closer to My Lady as it hadn’t long happened. Weird. Why would I crave the horrific grief I was experiencing last summer? Just being sat in Costa blogging takes me back there. Why I find this comforting, I have no idea. I look out of the window and I still resent all the people coming and going as if nothing had happened. Sometimes, just sometimes, I hate them all. Every… Last… One of them. How dare they be happy/content/any other positive adjective you care to think of.

Work husband checked in on me yesterday, bless him. He knows what I’m like on shittyversaries. I always appreciate him checking in. I try to do the same but recently, I’ve gone quiet and have made little effort to contact anyone. This is not a good time to start getting lost in my grief again. I need to start searching for a long term job as the vaccination centre job won’t last forever.

I seem to be up and down like a yoyo today. What’s going on? I just had a rant on Facebook. A full on rant, much like I do here. That was the sole point of creating another Facebook account. So I can express myself freely. It seems a bit strange to do that when I do exactly that here though. I think I want everyone to hear me this time. Very few people read this blog, and even fewer that actually know me.

The afternoon… Wait… I just looked at the clock and it’s just gone seven! I was about to say how the afternoon was flying by and I have achieved next to nothing. Point made methinks.

So, my Princeling want his friend to stay overnight. Funnily enough, he is the one kid I get a good and (semi) innocent vibe from. Doesn’t seem like trouble. We shall see. I agreed for him to stay. My Princeling will appreciate it, I know he will. I have been a bit obsessive about not having anyone in my house. I don’t trust anyone and with all the love in the world, I certainly don’t 100% trust my Princelings judgment in these matters. Purely because of his age, you understand. It takes most people a shed load of mistakes to learn this and it often takes years. What ever, you’ll never know if you can trust someone if you don’t put them in a place of trust. That’s new.

I had to stop obsessing about trust at some point I guess. See what happens. I’d always thought I’d prefer my Princeling to be chilling in his room with his mate rather than being out and about. Selfishly of course. I have to be honest with myself. I think I’ve become neurotic about it now. I can never truly relax when he isn’t home. Just part of being a parent.

The evening is flying too. I’m going to wrap this up here.

Laters x