Errr…

As I start typing this, I have no idea what I want to say yet. I just feel the need to write.

The last few shit days have turned into the last few shit weeks and there’s no sign of it letting up. I just miss My Lady so fucking much. How will I ever recover from this? One thing is for sure, I’ll never be the person I was before My Lady passed away. He is dead.

Nine and a half months in and much as I know these mental health issues come and go, the “average” if you like, is just shit. Really shit. So I called the doctor as I hadn’t talked to him in a fair while. He’s been great. We both agreed that the medication isn’t the problem here so he is referring me to the surgery’s new mental/physical health coach. Whatever that means.

There wasn’t an acoustic happy hour this week so us subs club members had a video conference. We were talking for over 5 hours. One of the guys had recently had to put his dog down, so we all chipped in on a Machine Head merch bundle. A few stupid toys too. It made his day. Noice.

So today I have been taking care of finances and further job hunting. It’s not looking good. I’m still depressed and now I have anxiety almost constantly. I’m not having fun at all. I miss My Lady so much. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

I called the agency that contacted me about the hospital job. They’ve not heard from them so that’s off the table for now. The agent then mentions a lighting company not too far way. They even do home automation solutions, much like my previous tech role. It’s pretty poor pay, but it seems I can progress there. Assuming they are not just employing for Christmas. I’ll be the tenth person recruited this week. So he makes a couple of calls and calls me back presently. I start tomorrow morning… Say what now…? Really?

It took a few minutes to sink in. Then I just broke down in relief. Cried my eyes out for a while. Clearly my financial situation was stressing me out more than I realised.

So… I need to prep for tomorrow. I fish out all of my smart shirts so I can iron them, then it hits me again. I haven’t done a work prep evening since My Lady and I did it together. Clearing remaining housework, making lunch. Flashbacks to a million times making lunches for My Lady. I’d even purchased the same lunch items My Lady had every day.

Early bath and bed for me. Need to be frosty on the morrow. Our worries are not over by a long shot but this could not have come at a better time. I was wondering if my shit luck was ever going to improve.

Night peeps. x