Well, it’s been quite a while since I was sat in Costa blogging. I’ve just finished more shadowing visits for my new care job. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but every visit has been completely different. Of course, why wouldn’t they be? I’m feeling a little stressed about it though. Mainly since my first shadow buddy signed me off on everything even though I had only watched some of the checkpoints rather than actually did them or fully understood them. He even said (after just 3 visits) that I can start working now. Really? Yeah probably not! There’s no way I’m ready to do lone visits. Far too much responsibility to just dive in when I’ve only had one days training and a few online courses. I need repetition to cement processes to memory. I’m not one of those that can be shown/told something once and it sticks. It just doesn’t work for me.
Today’s visits were for support care. Shadowing a couple of lady’s while they did their thing. Obviously with me helping whenever needed. It was the first time that the “personal care” part came into it. It’s the first thing everyone seems to think of when you talk about caring for the elderly. This is the bit where I need to train myself not to react to the smell of bodily functions. It wasn’t too bad to be honest. I started changing nappy’s when I had my first child at 16 and obviously having a dog, “poo patrol” is just everyday life.
I felt so much more relaxed on the support calls. It’s much simpler. Help one out of bed and into their chair. Bed bath for another client. I just observed on that one. I’m so worried about hurting one of the clients by being too nervous or clumsy. This is not going to be an easy transition. I had a missed call from a local care home yesterday. I need to call them in a bit. I’m not sure yet but I wonder if a residential setting might work better for me given it’s location. Maybe even consistent hours. I’ll find out soon enough.
Feeling weird now. The further down this road I go, the more I realise that quite aside from MY world changing so much, the whole world has now changed irrevocably so regardless of what happens now, life will never be the same again. Much like the rest of the planet. I still struggle with the thought that the world My Lady knew is gone too… Forever. How do I reconcile that?
Oh great… I left my coat in the car and now it’s chucking down out there…
So I don’t know what I’ll do tonight. Revise some of the medical recording procedures that’s for sure. I’ll probably spend an hour or two practicing guitar. I’ve been concentrating scales and modes over the last couple of weeks. For some reason, playing along to all the tunes I’ve mentioned before just wasn’t doing it. It happens to every musician. The trick is to change it up and keep it interesting. You might think just running up and down through scales would be boring. Not at all. I’ve been playing guitar on and off for forty years and never took the trouble to learn theory or scales. You could say it’s an easy win in one sense. Just keep going and you get faster and faster. That’s reward enough as it is. Committing all the scales and modes to memory is quite a different matter altogether. I’m in no rush though. I didn’t get this far only to lose interest now. If only I could join a band or do some jam sessions. That’s not happening any time soon. I can’t believe the government actually told people in the arts that they should just give up and change career. Horrific. So once the arts are killed, then what? It’s almost like they are blaming the arts for their own struggles when the industry has its back against the wall anyway. Unbelievable…
It’s stopped raining now. I’ll finish this later…
Fun times… I’m not happy this evening. I am actually sick of this empathy vibe today. I could really do with not giving a shit right now. Unfortunately, that’s just not me. I feel another existential crisis coming… Sometimes, do you ever feel like you care too much? And for what? Well, obviously for the clients for one, as they can’t help themselves. I need to find some sort of balance. The very reason I went into caring is also the reason I’m stressed out right now. How the hell am I going to cope with all this going forward? I know it’s very early days, but if my grief is going to come out at the end of every day, how will that work? The whole day has been a bit triggery to be honest. Arriving in a beautiful village of thatched cottages my first thought is still ‘My Lady would love this place.’ The client was just like my Grandmother in-law. Austere, well spoken. Old money. Then various other things just piled up as the day progressed. The second wave is still having a surfing competition and is ramping it up, local lockdowns are looking inevitable. Pretty much everything today has given me a horrific flashback of some sort. Not impressed.
Some people still seem to have the old me in their minds. I wonder how long it will take for everyone to realise I’m not listening to bullshit any more? Another new skill, is that I can smell it a mile off and I’m not talking about the clients. I just know when I’m being mugged off these days and have no time for it.
At the end of another mental day, I’m emotionally exhausted. I was going to bed some time ago, but I got talking to Mrs Golf and bashing out this drivel. I’m actually going to bed now though…
The Life and Times of Lord Crookedhorn. 