“Remember the old Sunday routine?”. Again…

As I had gone to bed quite early last night I was up early too. Initially I thought to myself ‘Nice, I feel like I’ve had a lie in and it’s only half eight.’ In less that half an hour, I can feel the despair creeping in. As I’ve been so deep in the training this week, a lot of things have been left. I’m automatically starting the old Sunday routine without a thought and then… You’ve guessed it. Bam! Ugh. I carry on anyway as it needs doing. Dust everywhere, dog fur, cat fur. Ugh, disgusting. So I go mad dusting, polishing and hoovering. Just like we always did, get the house and everything in order for the start of another working week. Washing done and everything prepped for the morning. Quite aside from being a dutiful husband with the house work all our lives and being the house hubby for a few years I have thousands of memories doing such things. Just like early on, I note that the constant thought in my head when doing house work, is ‘My Lady will love the shiny taps’ or ‘She would love to come home to a stripy weed free lawn when she gets home.’ just to mention two. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that EVERYTHING I did was with My Lady in mind. I don’t know if this is normal or not. Is this everyone’s experience of true love? Even in the last few days before My Lady went into hospital, I still remember making the house lovely when she was poorly. Ugh…

I’m not used to having proper flashbacks of any kind, despite my dubious past. Sat here typing is a small distraction. I’m struggling to see clearly through my glasses as there are so many dried tears on them. I just realised… I stink, my hair is greasy and I feel yuk. I want a bath but I want to spend as little times as possible in the upstairs bathroom due to the isolation. A self pity bath isn’t going to help anyway. I have learned that much at least. Time for a shower and then no doubt back to self pity. It’s so annoying seeing my emotional state objectively but being powerless to prevent it. I still haven’t got used to that…

Ew… Yep, I definitely need a shower… Not that anyone is going to see me any time soon. Not the point though I guess. Ugh, where’s my bloody ‘Storm’? I feel so battered right now. Yes… Of course… That shower…