And so it begins anew…

25th September 2020.

I have been job hunting so much lately. Finally, in the last few days, I have been getting calls about various caring positions. I even have a phone interview this morning for a domiciliary support worker but the interviewer had to rush off to help with an emergency. Maybe a sign of things to come… I’m sat here quite nervous and not a little excited. I keep telling myself to have no expectations, after all I have no idea how this will work for me. Or even if it will work for me at all. Sure as hell I’m going to give this my best. It’s entirely out of my hands at that point. Let the Cosmos do what it will. Goodness knows it will anyway.

Hours later and they still haven’t called. I’ve called them three times so far. Bit of a wind up to be honest.

26th September 2020.

So I only managed to get through to them yesterday as I tried one last time just before 5. It’s been rearranged for Monday. Meh. All bloody day waiting and three calls chasing them up and still no interview. Spent last night watching the usual Machine Head acoustic happy hour with the singer Rob. So uplifting. Good laugh too. Woke at 3 am with the laptop still on my lap!

I went to the Next Steps meet at the local café this morning. Mrs Golf from the Cruse group was there so it was really good to finally meet. I didn’t realise quite how much I couldn’t relate to some of the other members until today. Not because they were unpleasant in any way. Far from it, they are all lovely. Some are twice my age. Mr Clarinet had 57 years with his wife. What I wouldn’t give… Mrs Golf and I spent the whole time chatting on our own. It was amazingly different talking to someone around the same age. She felt the same about Mr Clarinet… If only…

Talking with Mrs Golf was amazing. Sounds weird I know but it became apparent very early on that she has been on a similar journey through her grief. No two are the same but I related so much. I think she did too. She told me of the WAY (Widowed and Young) charity. I had seen this before but for some reason read the join us page as £25 per month. No way I was paying that. It’s £25 per year… Lol. Strange thing is, I left the meeting feeling better than when I arrived. That’s new. Problem is when I got home and started looking at the WAY site, I related so much it made me cry lots. I think it might be the way to go. So it would seem I might have found a grief buddy. It’s weird talking to a relative stranger about stuff so deep and intimate without the awkwardness or guilt. Proper friend level. I would never have dreamed of doing that a few months ago. Despite it being bloody freezing, it calmed me. I can’t deny, I’ve always been a cringeworthy over-sharer at times, but grief sharing is completely different. There a no mixed signals and you both know damn well the thought of someone else… Eww… It just doesn’t cross your mind. Even though we both said how much we miss the cuddles. Refreshing. Anyway, It’s nice to have someone I can talk to on the same level. At last…

I received a text from Mrs Performing Arts last night inviting me to be a Teaching Assistant at the local performing arts academy. Say what now? Me… A TA? How many times do I have to say it? How can this year get any weirder? So that’s potentially a job as a domiciliary worker, Teaching assistant and even a volunteer position with Mencap. I might even have the time to do all of them. I think I should ease into it though. I don’t want to overwhelm myself. I need to spend this weekend planning and processing. I need to hit the ground running on Monday. I’ve already done some of it so, dinner then… Not sure yet. It usually involves guitar at some point.

Finish this later…

Sat down with the semi acoustic for a change. My Lady always loved Nutshell by Alice in Chains so I worked it out. Really easy. To play anyway. I keep crying in the middle of it though. It cuts me so deep. It uses most of the same chords as a song I wrote for My Lady when we were courting.

Outside by Staind is in the same tuning.

It seems that my chats with Mrs Golf has unlocked more emotions. We were talking till late last night too. Time for sleep.