Sorry, I can’t hear you…

24th August 2020

Sat in the car park waiting for the doctor to come out and lead me in. I’ve either been here or been on the phone to the surgery so much in the last few months. They know me well by now. I’ve spent more time in touch with the GP this year than I have in the last ten. At least no one can say I’m not trying to look after myself. I stopped drinking, I’ve cut down on smoking, I get a walk with Mr C every day, I eat enough, I don’t stay up all night. Oh and I’m even taking vitamins. If anyone says I’m not practising self care, they can shove it.

I’m still sat in the car park waiting to seen again. My ear is inflamed but I don’t know why yet. The nurse has gone inside to get a second opinion. Joy… So, it’s not being caused by wax then. That can only mean infection or damage or both. Find out shortly I guess… I hope…

F…M…L… !!!

I’ve been prescribed steroid and antibiotic ear drops for a week. I’m kind of getting used to it but I still hear two cats every time Mr T meows at me. I’ve even started tell them BOTH to shut up! It’s not fun. Still only listening to ocean waves. Silence just isn’t fun and I still can’t listen to music. It never hurts to have a break though. It freshens your ear and every musician should rest their ears. Not like this though…

I’m just about to go and get the ear drops. Mrs White Sage and I are meeting for coffee this afternoon. My Lady was very close to her. “She’s a keeper” she’s always said and I see why now. When I was at my worst she brought a care package up, even cleaned my kitchen for me. Under protest I might add, but she was having none of it bless her. I really like her. We have been having a battle of the incense for the last few months. Lighting more and more at a time. I am currently winning as I have some garden Nag Champa. They burn for hours!

Sat in Costa waiting to meet Mrs White Sage. I go to order and before I get the chance, the lady says” Large latte, yes?”. That made me laugh. Shows how often I come here. I need to watch that. Before I know it I’ll be in debt with Costa! What a weird grief spend. And I thought I’d stopped all that. I won’t lie though, it’s nice sitting in here getting my thoughts down. I seem to have got into it. I’m still trying to figure out if or how it actually helps however. Mindfulness I guess. I’ve been told by two people now that I should put this drivel into a book… A book… Me… Hahahaha!!!

Sorry, had to compose myself there. A book… And by people who should know. One counsellor and one of My Lady’s colleagues. High praise indeed. I try not to let it go to my head , but really…? Is that even real? I had a lovely time talking to Mrs White Sage today. We lost nearly two hours. More deep conversation. Two days running. I could get used to this. I’ve missed this level of conversation and it’s with new people. Refreshing.

My dear friend and newly adopted brother is popping in after work today. Hardly anyone at all in the office these days. I wonder if they I’ll ask me back? Despite everything including the new caring vibe, I’d go back at the drop of a hat.

Still pushing on the caring vibe and still I’m not being blocked by the Cosmos. So mote it be I guess… As I used to say a lot at work… More to follow…

Last smoke before bed. Entered my usual IRacing UK&Ireland Formula 2000 championship race tonight. Slight problem. Some muppet set the time to sunset at the start. Formula 2000 cars don’t have headlights… Fail. I’m going to play guitar for a bit anyway even if it’s only exercises. Can’t let it slide after so much work. I used and earplug in my left ear and that made it bearable. Practised quietly for a few hours. Where did that go? It’s 1am! Best get to bed I suppose…

Today has been a good day. I don’t say that often believe me, but for the first time in I don’t know how long, I’ve not cried once today… I’ve been seeing a lot more people and have had some lovely deep and much needed chats of late. I’m very lucky to have these people around me. Even My Lady’s former colleagues… I genuinely consider one or two friends now. AND they’ve (two) seen me at my worst early on…

Let’s see what tomorrow holds…

Night peeps x