Action replay…

Everyone’s grief is different. Even before My Lady fell ill, I had been semi obsessing about our getting together. I had found our old emails from when we were courting and had put them together in a document called “The meeting of soulmates”. All I needed was to sneak a copy of her MySpace blogs to add to it before I gave it to her as a present for her birthday. Ever since my Lady passed away, all I can think about was the way we swept each other off our feet. I wondered why I obsessed so much over this rather than how much we had achieved and how far we had come from our humble roots. This was equally important to me but still… To get to the point, part of me seems to be reverting to how I was when we met. Fortunately not the bad bits. I’m struggling to find meaning in it all just like I was back then. The sad thing is… There is no meaning in any of it. Not really, other than that which we create for ourselves. For all the factual reasons for the loss, it doesn’t matter. There must be something to all this “Cosmos” business… Mustn’t there? As mentioned elsewhere, I considered myself Pagan back then. My thoughts have slipped there sometimes which I found intriguing. I keep going round in circles, each time resurrecting a new memory and adding it to the tapestry my mind is weaving and the Paganism was part of that. I guess this will never stop and to be honest, I don’t want it too. Perverse as it sounds and as painful as it is, I “enjoy” remembering these times. My perception of us back then is we were almost children. I felt like we had grown up together and in many ways we had.